I never thought I am capable of feeling this kind of pain. It seems like everything inside of me has been snapped broken, cut open, and I begin losing myself, bit by bit, pieces by pieces. I am not like this— a boy with a broken smile, a distant gaze, drowning in the cadence of his deep, muddled thoughts. No matter how I try to be my old self again, the kind of ‘me’ before you left, I just couldn’t make it. The mere act of smiling away the pain I am feeling inside is just awfully tiring. I am trying. I am honestly trying to be okay. But it isn’t just the truth. This is the truth: I am sad. I am not okay. I am dying.
This must be how it feels like when you are dying. Everything around me passes in a blur, and is difficult to comprehend. It’s like they lost all their meaning. Or maybe my ability to see things clearly, to understand things deeply, has also left me like you did.
I am dying. I am fading. Slowly, pieces by pieces, I am wilting, just like a rose plucked off from its stem for being so admiringly beautiful, only to be left pressed between the pages of the book, abandoned, forgotten, alone— I am withering.
I hope someday you will remember me. When you do, open the book and find me between its pages. And when you find me, remember the scent I was once emanating, remember the color I was once glowing, remember all the reasons why you once adored me, why you once picked me. Remember who I was, and what was the meaning I once held in your life. Remember how, once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you plucked me off and took me, because you love me.
Because you loved me.
© Sage Brillantes, October 12, 2015, 8:10 pm